Series: Life of highly sensitive people, part 1: Accepting solitude

Berg, Dalen, Hytt, Shack, Liggande, Natur, Landskap

Do you accept your need for solitude? If you don’t then you don’t accept an essential part of yourself. You allready know what is said about solitude. It is mostly associated with  depression, madness or aloofness… Though you are not wrong for craving it. To expect you to live such a social-intense and fastpaced life, like most people, is to expect a butterfly to have the strength of a bear. You are not weak or wrong for being more like the sensitive butterfly, you just have different qualities and strengths then a bear.

As a highly sensitive you probably struggle with your need for solitude. Because you really need it from time to time, but generally this isn’t accepted. It is said that you should not be by yourself for that implies there is something wrong with you. It is easy to be victimized by your need for solitude as a highly sensitive. You may think you are disabled or handicapped in a way for not having the energy to run around and hanging out all day as other people do. You are not disabled, you are just sensitive to picking up energy- vibrations. You sense the world more deeply.

So what exactly are you sensing?

Everything in the whole universe consists of energy. Everything is basically energy. There is nothing in the whole universe that doesn’t consists of energy. All energies vibrate at certain frequencies. That include emotions. All emotions does have a frequency. Emotions like love, joy etc have a very high frequency. The higher the frequency then the higher the energy. That is why you feel so energized when you feel these kind of emotions. On the contrary the lowfrequency-emotions like sadness, shame and apathy make you feel very low on energy. A depressed person have very low energy for feeling these lowfrequency feelings doesn’t. If you are sensitive it means that you automatically pick up these vibrations from your surroundings, from places and other people. You read energy very well and you are kind of bombarded with these energy-vibrations from everywhere and if they vibrate at very low frequencies you will eventually be feeling very low in that kind of environment. Are you like me and can’t stand the subway in the rushhours? With all that stressed people rushing everywhere, some very irritated and worried of being late. Others with an expression on their face which seems to say “I don’t want to be here”. You are picking up all of those lowfrequency-emotions like a sponge and you wonder why you are tired afterwards? When you meet up with someone you pick up their underlying frequencies of their energy. Large cities generally radiates lowenergy-vibrations. Nature have very high energy-vibrations. So if you have wondered why it feels so good being out in nature. This is probably one of the causes.

Living with sensitivity in this sense you just have to take care of yourself in a different way then most people and take time to recharge. Every time you meet someone, you pick up their energy even if you are aware of it or not. This is very confusing because suddently you can start feeling very low and your mood “heavy”, even if nothing really happend to make you feel this way. You just feel low and you can’t tell why. You don’t want to feel this way you get frustrated over it. Do you also feel sometimes that when you leave a gathering, the moment you step out of the door you feel relief? Being in solitude give you relief, a paus from all the energies that just seem to pour over you. If I could tell you one thing about sensitivity that I have learned through a lot of struggle it is this: Please! Accept your need for solitude. You need it. Your mind and body crave it. Start noticing your limits and how much solitude you need because you really need it.

Shell, Beach, Seaside, Och, Sea Shell, Sommar, Semester

Energize by surrender and acceptance

Struggle with accepting solitude is like using up the power that should be used to recharging your battery. Struggling with your thoughts about solitude is a huge waste of energy and a battle you can’t win. The only way to win this one is to surrender to it. Then you won’t waste your energy on negative thoughts and you will definately feel more refreshed by your time alone. Maybe even enjoy it. Don’t waste your energy like this. It is to valuable, it is your fuel for the day and you only get a certain amount of fuel everyday so spend it wisely.

By accepting this need you will start feeling a certain calmness inside, an ease you haven’t felt before. Because you are not neglecting yourself anymore. In other words, when you accept this need you get more congruent with yourself. More empowered and energized. Worrying what other people say or think about solitude won’t get you anywhere, it just keeps you stuck. For they can’t know what it is like like to be constantly overwhelmed, irritated or depleted. Or maybe they do but they don’t accept it. I used to judge solitude like most people do. By doing that I rejected myself and my needs. The result? Feeling exhausted, low and tense most of the time. If you want to empower yourself then don’t hurt yourself like that. Neglecting the need for solitude is as bad as not eating when you are hungry or sleeping when you are tired. Then you will collapse eventually if you just keep going. It took alot of tenision, anxiety and exhaustion to realize that solitude is an essential part of me and that I have to respect that need in order to feel good. It is not bad for you if you feel a craving for it. That craving just means you really need it. When you need it, you need it. Nothing strange, weird or unnatural about not wanting to be overwhelmed and tired all the time.

You are created with different strengths, choose to see them

I can tell you it is not something wrong with you. This need is natural when your built the way you are. If you get this feeling you want to withdraw then you should do best to listen to it. If you ignore it and continue to be around people when you feel this way then you will be depleted, irritated out of balance.  This urge for wanting to be alone simply won’t go away until you listen to it. Do you think your body will be saturated by not drinking when you are thirsty?  It is the same thing with craving solitude.

When you struggle to accept your need for solitude then you waste a lot of your energy. Struggling with thoughts takes a lot of energy and it takes even more if you don’t accept yourself for needing this time of solitude. Don’t attack yourself for having different needs then most people around you. You are not a failure for not wanting to hang out with people as much as they do. You are not asocial or weird. You just need more time to charge your batteries because that is the natural way you are built. By not accepting the way you are created you condemn yourself to feelings of dissatisfaction, frustration and victimization. Those are the least empowering feelings in the whole world. Feeling like that won’t get you anywhere so accept it and learn to live and appreciate the way you are built. Then you can start creating an enjoyable life with it and start moving forward. You are not disabled in any way. As a highly sensitive person you just have different strengths then the ones that are preached about generally. Don’t let others define which qualities are the best ones to have. Different qualities are the best for different situations. Your qualities are good for other things then most people notice. You have very different strengths and my advice is learn to see these strengths then you won’t consider yourself disabled or dysfunctioned anymore. Accepting the need for solitude IS taking care of your self, accepting and empower yourself. You simply have to choose not to be a victim anymore. Rather, you are much more gifted then you think and you just have to choose to see it.

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